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As I was walking back towards my desk after a meeting with my Series Producer, my Executive Producer came in and asked me if I were alright. He gave me a hug in the most fatherly and professional way (he's so good in combining the two - being a leader, but also very 'get the things done' at the same time), and looked at me in the eye. He knew that I feel slightly nervous on the project that I'm working on right now, and I think he could tell that there are moments when I self-doubt myself. 

"I don't feel good at all," I said while laughing. To which he replied me with another question, "But when do you ever feel good in a stuff like this?". I said to him, never. Which he said, is the correct answer. We will never feel good in stuffs like this. Big stuff that we know might change something in our life and affect ourselves. Big things in life. "We will never feel good here. This is the biggest project that you've ever had so far, and you should be afraid. It would be weird if you don't." 

His words lingers with me as he hurried to his meeting. Because that's so true. I should be afraid of something big. Something unknown. But in a good way. This fear means that I am aware of what's coming. And how we could ever be fearless if we never knew fear? It will be hard, it will be painful. But it will also be fun and full of lessons. I will make mistakes, and that's okay. So long as I admit it and face it. One thing that I learned from my Series Producer on his first week, is that he believes that there's always a creative solution to everything.

And another thing that I learned from work today, is that fear is not always a bad thing. Fear can make you think of every possibility. All the ifs, ands and the buts. Fear can make you anticipate what may come your way, and prepare you for the worst that might. It reminds me of some time ago when I talked with my friends about getting out of our comfort zones. And this is exactly it. I'm walking out of my comfort zone. 


  1. The unknown is scary. But it's good to step out of our comfort zone. we can learn and grow from new experiences.

  2. For me, I don't view that feeling as fear -- because if you don't fear the future but instead become excited for every twist and turn that it brings in your life, is it still fear? Or should it be called something else? Either way, I love your description of how your mentality changed in viewing the future. :) Your way of describing these little moments in your life sounds so magical and makes the simplest things sound deep and insightful. I've just found your blog and I'm really enjoying your writing! :)

  3. Totally can relate to this when an agency approached me once to pitch for a big project. On my personal side, I just knew I wasn't ready yet. But the thought of me crossing their mind for that particular project feels exhilarating. Always enjoy your writing!


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