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What I do not know about break up

It only took her the second sip of wine before she asked me that question, "What should I do?". It was one friday night and I just got back from work. Sitting there with a friend who just broke up with her boyfriend. If I didn't know better, I would had thought she's drunk already from the way she behaved and the tone in her voice as she was seeking my advice on the ending of her relationship. I claimed nothing on it. 

I know nothing about break up. But the thought of so this is it that pass in mind when you watch someone from the opposite side of the street with half of your previous life together packed in the back of the car as he dissolving, and wondering if he were looking at the rear view while he's moving forward - leading his way onto another dream. 

I know nothing about break up. But that cautious feeling - like something has slipped through my fingers regardless how well the relationship ends. And if there's such a thing as a good end - it's just end. And the ending sometimes isn't as unpainful as we thought it would be. Because wasn't a minute ago we were still laughing? Together. And the next thing we know all the promised travel and a simple plan like washing the dishes become a hundred years away. 

I know nothing about break up. But the time that it takes for the acceptance to really sink in. Sometimes the concept of it's-not-here-anymore just doesn't kick in right away. Even when you're staring at the empty side of the bed and telling yourself that things are changing - still it doesn't feel real yet. It's scary to think that now we have to fight and defend alone by ourselves. Or simply it's just lonely to share a microwaved kfc chicken at 11 pm with yourself. 

I know nothing about break up. Except that it's not the end of the world, but it's not a nice feeling either. Except that the furthest distance that could be between two people is a minute ago. Except that heart is a resilient place. For once that I was told it could break to million pieces time and time again, but it will always have space to love. So I was sitting there that night, with my friend. And I told her the truth - I know nothing about break up. It's not the end of the world even though it's not a nice feeling either.

6 comments:

  1. I really love the repetition in this piece, and the imagery. I can picture myself standing across the crowded city street from an ex-boyfriend and just that distance....that, like you said, was "a minute ago." Love this. Thanks for writing it!

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  2. lovely. and it seems you know quite a bit about breakups already xo

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  3. Love this post. I keep on telling myself that it's really not the end of the world but it still feels like a fucking apocalypse.

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  4. Lovely writing! And I guess you do know some stuff about breakups!

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  5. I know a little about break ups.
    But, I do know quite well that you are one hell of a writer, Niken!
    I'm pretty sure you helped your friend that night. Just by being there, letting her look into your soulful eyes...

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  6. I guess the level of toughness and sadness depends on who is the one who actually breaks up. If it's your decision, you might get over it easier. If it's brought on you, it must hurt as hell.

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