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Asthenia

Even before I boarded on that plane I already knew that when I come back things won't be the same. A few weeks later when I stepped back and unlocked the door, the table still stood on the same position as it was a year ago and the kitchen was still the same as I remember. The apparent distinction was the hot and dry air that stung me flesh and bones. Unlike that weeks around one August when the breeze was cool enough to make us wrap ourselves in a blanket. The changes that filled the air though, certainly not about the weather. Things just didn't feel the same. It's not like my feelings for the town has gone or corroded. It's the events that happened, the people that inspired, the people that broke the wings, and finally - those too much thinking nights like a slap on the face. An epiphany, of sort. One that wakes you up. It gets you up.

A certain things happen that makes you evaluate your life - the things and the people in it. And as much as I was in denial, there was a point when I realise that some people and things in your life are not worth as much thought as you thought they might ever had before. That some friends are meant to be kept for a lifetime and some people are just meant to be colleague - not friends. Evaluate the people in your life. Promote, demote or terminate. That living your life is different from just living. That every once in a while, you need to take that leap that makes you cringe. That a certain decision might end up good, not so good, or bad. But either way, they do make good stories (and lessons).

It takes courage to change your mind, it takes courage to speak of it - and even more courage to act on it. Do it. Life is too short to live your life with the things that make you unhappy. Just because the things that used to make you happy are not making you happy anymore doesn't mean that they were never right. When you've been in the same room for a long term, you'll notice more annoying thing about it each day. Take distance when you need to before things getting ugly and you're getting miserable. Find things that energise and people that inspire. And of course, of course, it's okay to think of yourself first every once in a while. There is a difference between selfish and taking care of yourself. Don't feel guilty for doing it some time. 

16 comments:

  1. gosh, i drank this up... thank you for writing it. i needed this today. xo

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  2. sing it! i think the hardest part is not feeling guilty when you want to take care of yourself. it has happened to me so many times but it just drained me more and left me with more resentful and hateful thoughts. great post niken!

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  3. Love love love this!!! You have inspired me with your words and thoughts this morning! It is really important to keep people around you that inspire! Wishing you all good things friend! Nicole

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  4. I absolutely love this, your writing is so beautiful. I'm still working out the difference between being selfish and looking after myself, but over time I'm slowly getting there.

    Tessa / Bramble & Thorn

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  5. amen :) change is good. it's scary but good. and sometimes you can't just wait for it, you have to make it happen!!

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  6. You are so right, Niken! We need to concentrate on the things that make us happy and let go of everything else!

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  7. Very well spoken! (Or typed ;] )

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  8. I have missed reading your blog. You are right on the subject and I couldn't agree with you more. It took me years to finally change the things that weren't good in my life, but now that I've started I am determined to finish with a smile.

    Be well! :)

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  9. This is so true. Sometimes doing the right thing can feel terrifying and awful, but it's entirely crucial in order for yourself and those around you to grow.

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  10. I needed this. Thank you for writing this. Makes me think about a lot of things. I can totally relate to being courageous and moving on. Again, thank you for this. :)

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  11. I am a firm believer that there is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself and looking after yourself. It's our responsibility to be there for ourselves, or else we're no good to those around us...

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  12. "Living your life is different than just living."
    This post resonates with me. Your outlook and wisdom from experiences. Never looking back in regret.
    It is what it is. And there you are.
    Live life. Love life. No matter what.
    And yes., of course, follow your heart.
    xx

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  13. we love your reflective style of writing. it's so honest!

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  14. It s hard not to put a comment on everything u wrote and what I m going through now. Thank u for all the inspiration u ever put in me. Those small blessings come in the right moments sometimes and bless all our doubts and fears.

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  15. I have been living unhappy for such a long time now, I can really understand this. I just want to wake up with a new day and a new fresh start knowing all that I do now with no one to answer to.

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