The waiting game
There are times when I think to myself "Shoot! I wish I said that bolder," or "I should've been braver that time". Sometimes I say that in regrettable tone, and sometimes in a matter-of-factly way. There were times when I restraint myself from doing what I want to do for various reasons. Some because I feel I would be selfish in doing so even if that's not the case. It's just the way I feel about it. Some because I just played it safe.
I was almost board on a plane that will take me to L.A and never look back when I was 21. About to leave my education that was just an inch from getting my diploma for a job offer that I got. Glad that I didn't, though. I was almost jump on that train, but I didn't. Even though I've stopped asking myself 'what if' 2 years ago, there were times when I wondered what would happen if I did. And of course that was that one time when I was just a breath away from getting on that ship, but I didn't because I felt guilty for making some people hurt even though it was their own issue.
I've thought about the 'almost happen' stories in my life. Thinking if I were truly living my life. If I took a good care of myself enough, until finally to that ultimate question - am I too coward? I know that I don't want my life like a coffee table. It's safe. But when everyone leaves because the cups have been emptied and the conversations have been consumed, it's still there waiting for the next persons to come. So, I am taking that leap. I am boarding on that plane.